okay, that is eminem on the left for those that don’t watch videos and he is partying with a dancing bear. a real big WTF goes out to you em out there in motor city or whatever. dre day has struck again……

as for day one:
I wake up to my cat yelling in my ear for me to wake up at 9 and my flight is at 2. After jumping on a black horse and riding across town like it was the middle of the night and I was paul revere narcing out some redcoats, I hail a cab and luckily Mario Andretti’s older turkish uncle was behind the wheel because we BARELY get there in time, or so I think. I get to the check-in ready to tell some wild tale and have these folks shut me the fuck down like in paris, (that’s paris though…) only for it to be NO THING to get in. I could have checked 90 bags full of dust in and I think I would have got some frequent flyer miles for it…. I get on to a plane full of super hot athletic russian ladies and randoms, just to have a lady look at me in abject terror like I was a giant streptococcus bacterium who got permission to move aboard the cabin. I laughed. The food was the shit, which is weird for plane food (only swiss air and british airways have equally impressive in-flight cuisine) and I totally forgot that the clock moved ahead 2 hours and 2 seasons to a shady fall afternoon. I waited in the passport control line for one hour or so and saw some REALLY interesting things. I’ll list 2 of them:

1. The line for “diplomats” was all chinese people who may have been from the same family. There were 55 of them and they were juiced in a united way. Balling like united, too. A short dude who obviously WASN’T from the royal fam tried to cut in line to get to the front and the russians were not having that shit whatsoever. When the young homie tried to cut another time, this warren ellis looking motherfucker drops his suitcase on his FOOT, thus securing him in place.
2. Right next to passport control was the office for the po-lice. The airport po-lice consist of lots of broads and some frat party looking dudes, but they are icy as heck and I don’t mean with diamonds. 2 dudes are standing in the line nearest to the office and before they go to passport control, one of the dudes gets out of line and comes back with another crev looking dude who then proceeds to hand the 1st dude (the one who stayed in line) a envelope that contained a number of documents and a fucking passport. When people in line were objecting to the 2nd dude and their new third friend cutting, the 3rd dude just said “shhhh” and put his finger to his lips. He then said it was okay and not to worry. In russian. I saw all of this and quietly marvelled at the pure concentrated G shit that was happening before my very eyes.

After finally going thru that madness, round 2 madness pops up and it comes in the form of the “nothing to declare” section and the 9 ring circus that they had popping off there. I saw a woman with luggage that could have bought my apartment building. After wrestling my way thru these insane rich super-capitalists and latter day savages, I then see the homie Georg Korg out front and we mob to the whip. I get taken to what appears to be the hood (you never really know with all this communist architecture) and we go shoot a commercial and smoke exhaust pipe bats filled with cardboard and corkscrew shavings along with some type of weed. I still haven’t left the house and I don’t really want to after the driver was like “if you see people stare at you, do not be scared because they may have went 30 years without seeing someone like you in real life.” I was already used to that one (see slovenia 06 and the homie who “never seen a real nigger before”) but I don’t feel like being on exhibit until I get on stage. I’m here for NINE days?!?

Here is the “commercial” for the moscow show. My life is truly surreal……